Category: Domme Thought

This is my new favourite thing on the internet:

So many sexual experiences are clouded by shame.  Shame affects us all, even when we least expect it. I have always been lucky in that the majority of my sexual experiences have been empowering. I feel very little shame when it comes to sex, or whom I am attracted to. It always shocks me when people say, “I can talk to you about this but I would never tell anyone else.” When I ask why, it is usually something along the lines of being judged by others.

I understand that not everyone was raised in a sexually empowered environment like I was. That not everyone talks as freely about sex and sexual experiences with those around them as I do. It is unfortunate. Sure, there will always be people who judge. I am judged constantly. I don’t care though. I have always lived counter culture, which means you either constantly fight to justify your choices are you just say, well fuck you. I am happy and don’t need your approval. All that to say the idea of shame is fairly alien to me.

And then, I read (some of) the comments on that fantastic video. In reading them, I started to understand why so many people are hesitant to enjoy the sexual experience. The random correlations that people seem to make with a woman embracing a one night stand is dumbfounding. As a woman, it offends me that the idea of my embracing a one night stand will cause all the children to conceive and hell to reign on earth. I suppose this is where the shame comes from. The ridiculous uneducated trolling of individuals who have nothing better to do than spit random consequences that have little or nothing to do with the sexual experience.

Is this why people feel shame? Because others make snap unfounded correlations between their sexual behaviour and the state of the world? Do people let others’ stupidity affect the enjoyment of their experience? I can’t speak for others or what motivates shame around the sexual experience. All I can do is not feel shame and continue enjoying my sexual self. If people are uncomfortable because of their own hang ups that is their problem and not mine.

This doesn’t mean you have to announce your experiences unless you want to. I just mean, we should not, especially women should not allow people to perpetuate the myths created false correlations between a lack of sexual shame and the downfall of society. Enjoy the sexual experience. Embrace it. If you are feeling shame, make sure that has to do with your own response and not one conditioned by the judgmental people surrounding us.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

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Post Script: My intention in writing this was not the rant that it became. Stupid comments… I allow them to affect me more than I should sometimes.

Can consent really be taught? As the mother of a newly minted teenage boy, I often think about this. How can we teach our children abut consent when so many adult don’t even truly grasp the importance of it? Why is it such a challenge for people to understand consent? Are we so preoccupied with our own emotions, desires, wants, that we neglect the other people around us? In a world where you can get just about anything you want, and usually almost instantaneously, is it any surprise that consent is never really discussed?

Teaching consent to children is a challenge. We are constantly forcing them into situation in which they have little or no control. There are exceptions and I am making a huge generalisation but I stand by my perspective. From an early age when make them feel that their opinions don’t matter. This starts at infancy. Infants are passed around from family member to family member, friend to friend, mother to stranger. Children cry and we laugh about how much of a mama’s child they have already become. A child that age cannot voice consent and not everyone can read their children or give a moment’s thought to whether or noth the child consents to being passed around. It continues throughout children, “give aunty June a kiss” “Don’t touch that” “you HAVE to share your toys” simple run of the mill statements to our children, pave the way to their lack of understanding of consent and what it means. I know these statements are meant to teach children to share or show affection, but we forget to have an informed talk with our kids before barking orders at them. Could these violations of their consent pave the way to not understanding consent and its importance? I think so but that does not mean we should let our children do whatever they want. It is a hard balance between teaching and training, understanding and obedience. I am not going to preach about how to raise children, I am merely using this as an example to demonstrate that from an early age children are in situations where informed consent could be present but isn’t.

At a certain maturity niveau, children can understand consent at lot more than we give them credit for. We forget that as parents we can offer them more than direction and orders. We can talk with them about why we do certain things and explain the need for them to do them. Ask them how they feel about situations. Find a compromise. I don’t want to preach about parenting but rather show how parenting is an excellent opportunity to truly change how the future generation understands and implements informed consent.

Something to think about when dealing with children and consent, and the teaching of it. Consent cannot be taught in a do as I say and not as I do model. Look for future posts on understanding consent as an adult and within a sexual context.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I find that since my injury (fractured ankle), perhaps as a result of my not being able to sleep in my bed, my dreams have taken on a whole life of their own. More than likely this is due to the meds I am taking, or the pain, seeing as I am not really taking anything that should affect my thought process. Anyway, where was I, oh yes, perverse dreaming. My dreams have taken this whole new level of insanity. It seems that a while different life is being led all while I am restlessly sleeping.

The weirdest part, none of the dreams are odd. They are normal, everyday events. Conversations with people I speak to on a regular basis, the occasional lost friend or lover but really they are so normal that I am never quite sure I am dreaming or not. These conversations are usually simple straightforward. The difference, the biggest difference between my awake self and my dreaming self, is the freedom through which my thoughts become words. Generally, I think before I speak. I think a lot before I speak. Not so much when I type, which is why I write so much. When I speak, each syllable is mapped, planned out and executed in a very deliberate manner. That is not to say I censored myself, I just pick the words, and tone carefully. It takes a fraction of a second, I have always been like that.

I promised some perverse dreaming discussion. So last night’s dreaming was the first that took on a situation apart from reality. I say perverse because this is not a situation I would like to find myself in. Though during the dream I was happy, pleased. I embraced the situation and delighted in it. I was pregnant, early pregnancy. The dream was very specific I was just on cusp of starting my second trimester. Father’s day was very likely the influence of this dream. As a single parent, as a teenage mother, there was no delighting in my pregnancy, a story for another day. Within this dream, everyone was happy. There was bliss in the knowledge that this organism grow within me.

The perverse part of this dream, is the idea of another offspring. I am perfectly content with my life as it is and my son being the age he is, there is no way another child is in the plans. It was nice though, a kind of closure I suppose. Now to hope it was not prophetic 😉

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I know, I have missed about ten days in a row now. Kind of shitty of me to have made all these plans and posts and nothing really coming from it for over a week. In my defense, I broke my ankle over the weekend (during training camp) and have literally been unable to get off the couch. It sucks. More than sucks. The pain is one thing but the lack of mobility is excruciating. I am a lucky woman, in that I have people around me that will care for me, in such situations. Mainly my son. It is a reminder that my parenting is solid. All this to say, I have missed a few days.

My hope is that this is not a trend that will continue. That from this point onward, I will manage to continue with my daily posting. I have the time now, as I am still rather immobile. My pain level is still rather high and I am pretty well medicated so no guarantees that all my posts with make grammatical sense. But I need to get it start, punctuation errors or not 😉

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

I was recently sent a message with the following

whore, let’s see you ignore that

Something along those lines. By recently, I mean like an hour ago or so. And I was just going to ignore it but I thought what a great catalyst for today’s Domme Thought! I have no idea who this person is, obviously they felt they deserved my attention for whatever male entitlement shit they have going on. I think I ignored their friend request on Facebook or something. There is a reason I do not have 5 million friends, I don’t add really. But I digress.

So though giving this statement some attention is obviously what he wanted, and I would normally just leave it as is, I needed something to write about today.

Ways to get yourself blocked from interacting with me:

1. Using whore like it is a bad thing, I actually know several people who have sex for money and I do consider myself a sex worker so it is neither an insult or a crushing blow to my ego.
2. Sending a pic of your cock, we could all do with less dick pics in our lives
3. Thinking you are entitled to my attention or affection. You get neither unless I let you.
4. Asking me “Can you really hypnotise me?” This is almost always followed by a “prove it” which people are expecting for free. I know I can do it, you know I can do it. Otherwise you would not be looking for free attention.
5. Missing appointments… obvious
6. Trying to hypnotise me, I cannot even count how many male hypnotists try this… it is kind of silly, but have fun guys!
7. Being impatient…
8. Sighing in conversations when it takes me longer than 30 secs to reply when you are not paying for the interaction.

SO the lesson here, I don’t get mad, or upset at you for being poorly behaved, you get blocked.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

So I just realised that during my ambitious 30 Days of Domme Thoughts, I completely skipped over day 5. I start several posts before actually completing them. As a result I guess I lost track of what day I was actually on. I make silly oversights like that every now and then. I tend to start out post, with the intention of completing them, but the research, the planning and the like tends to run longer than a single day creation. Some things take time and though this is more about witnessing my life, I like to create something of substance every now and then.

Some my Day 5 oopsie, a full day not forgotten but completely skipped over. We all make mistakes. Recognition and admission of an error is more powerful than ignoring the error completely. I believe that is part of my reasoning in creating this whole blog. To let people know that Dommes, professional or otherwise are capable of making mistakes and that ones dominance comes from the ability to admit them, learn from them and have them not repeat.

Sounds pretty heavy right? A slight overreaction to a mere numerical error. But this practice of accountability is what fuels an individual’s ability to dominate their existence regardless of how they identify (Domme, sub, switch, etc). Accountability for our errors is what keeps us on track. Some errors are insignificant but if we cannot admit to something small and silly, how can you expect to admit an error when it is something more intense? I make mistakes, I have several times and I will continue to make them. In my BDSM life, my sex life, my vanilla life, my parenting, my work, my play… you get the idea, mistakes happen everywhere, all the time. Admitting to them, being held accountable for them, whoever small or severe the consequences is what keeps us learning and growing as individuals.

A Domme/Dom who cannot admit their mistakes, their potential errors is a dangerous thing. Someone can be perfect without attaining perfection, but someone claiming perfection without having failed is either incredibly lucky or lying to themselves. It takes once, one crack of the crop that is misplaced or too hard to create a potentially volatile situation. Not just for whomever is on the receiving end but also for the Dominant. It is hard to trust your strikes if you are not familiar with how someone will react. Learning the hard way can be difficult, and rough and just generally unpleasant but not learning, pretending everything was fine or that it was the subs fault (I have witnessed this sort of “explanation numerous times) is not benefiting a single person. You are not growing as a Domme and you may have created a situation where the sub is not willing to express their sexuality in the same way anymore.

I have encountered several situations in which I push too hard. I generally recognize them before any occurs but experience has taught me that. Lessons I previously learned. This is not to say every new experience should be light or carefully planned out (unless you work best that way). It means you should always approach with caution and recognise situation where a mistake is possible and work through it. A Domme, in my opinion, should never get sucked into the moment. They should always be in complete control of both themselves and their submissive. And if you make a mistake, you are willing to admit to it. Not during a scene, unless it is a red light sort of situation but afterwards, as part of your aftercare. “Sorry about that hit right there, it was a little off, you might find it hurts more than I meant it to. I will be more careful in the future…” something like that.

Anyway, those are my Domme Thoughts of the day 🙂 What would you like to hear either from your subs or Domme or partner when a mistake is made? When is the best time for you to hear or share the mistake?

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade

What a glorious Saturday! Though I had some problems sleeping last night, it ended up being an absolutely wonderful day.

My morning started rather early, trouble sleeping and all that. I gave up at 530 and got up, made myself a tea. Eventually I put some clothing on and made my way out of the house for an espresso. Taking my kindle with me to enjoy two hours of sitting on a terrace sipping coffee and reading, so many books to read, so little time. It has actually been a very long time since I last devoted that much time outside my bed to read. It was such a pleasure.

My brother was performing a matinée opera show in the afternoon. Nothing too fancy. That being said, it was great to finally see him perform. It reminded me of my youthful obsession with The Phantom of the Opera. Not the film but the original Canadian cast one. A childhood friend and I loved listening to it as children. Memories came flooding in. I was very young when listening to it. Less than ten. So that was a lovely trip down memory lane. I have been playing it in the background all evening.

Concert complete, we lunched, well slunched as it was after 4PM. Vietnamese. Absolutely delicious. I just love living in a city where any cuisine is available pretty well at my doorstep.

Finally getting to my front door, and guess who was waiting there for me? My gorgeous lover. After a few hours of our connecting for the first time this week (it’s been a long week let me tell you, but there are no visit while my son is home). I really have to write a post about how good the sex chemistry is between us. It’s epic really. Multiple orgasms are but the beginning. More on that, perhaps in this 30 Days of Domme Thoughts 🙂

To finish the day off, 90 minutes of weapons training at the park! Such a great way to end a day really devoted to things I enjoy. My post coitus/post workout face is a little ragged LOL. I did a lot today. It kind of knocked me out. I debated not posting this image as I look quite exhausted but Domme Thoughts is all about honesty so yeah, Dommes get tired too.

I was planning on ending my day doing session but I am well and truly toasted. With karate training camp coming up, I really have to make sure I am getting sufficient sleep. So that’s where I am off to now. Sleep and rest!

Hope you enjoyed this Saturday in my life.

À bientôt,

Ambre Jade